i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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