hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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