we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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