38 yer olds are good kisserssss
everyone is single if you try hard enough
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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