how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
