between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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