ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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