the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so let's talk penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
