Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize