Cold hands, warm shart.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
