she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize