Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
