Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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