got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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