Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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