i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
