He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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