woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
