I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
