Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
