it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
