I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize