his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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