so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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