I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
