Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
