how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
