grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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