just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
