it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
