My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
