his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
