"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I forget how to act sober
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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