How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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