Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My nipple is on Facebook.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
