I just saw a hot homeless man
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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