I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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