i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
