Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
