my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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