Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Randomize
