Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
