Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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