I want to stick my p in your. b.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize