Whod you bang
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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