I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
