I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
