he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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