I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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