my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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