just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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