Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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