New invention idea: vibrating tampons
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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