Your mouth is God's brothel.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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