what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
