He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
