I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pappa wants mamma naked
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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