dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When did angry sex become our thing?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
