forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
