I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize