so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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