What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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