Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
