Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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