yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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