I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
