I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Are we still banned from the library?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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