At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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