I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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