I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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