Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
