Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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