He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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