one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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