her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
